I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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