does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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