my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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