The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
