dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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