wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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