so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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