My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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