She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
