I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
