I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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