sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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