Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i wish my penis had a tongue
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
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the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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