Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
