I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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