my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
