What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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