I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
