If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize