This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
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We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
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His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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