Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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