Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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