I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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