ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I need to align my fucking chakras
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
