Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
