I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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