the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
