Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
