you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Can I color on your dick again?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
