I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
