Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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