I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
