Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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