piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
