some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize