ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
