nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
