yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
my phone needs a breathalizer
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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