and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
