when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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