hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
