when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
splinters make it hard to masturbate
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
