Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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