Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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