Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
