fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
