Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize