You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Buhtt sex?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
