pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize