I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
