thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
