so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
