I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
