WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
porn star boner night. come get it.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
