College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He has the fingertips of a God
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