I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
