I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My ass is underappreciated
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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