I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
