Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
