It's Friday. Sex?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I love you. Go after that dick
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
