Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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