yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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